Goodbye, Mother
by Tyrunner
Summary: One-shot farewell letter from Shepard to her mother.


_Decided to write this after doing, for kicks, a playthrough of the ME trilogy with a female Shepard, with Spacer background and Ruthless reputation. Enjoy!_

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**To: Rear Adm. Hannah Shepard, commanding officer, SSV _Kiev_**

Hi Mom,

I'm writing this to you now, while we both still have the chance. I'm sure you are aware by now that we're about to begin the final push, to take back Earth and defeat the Reapers. It's going to be quite a sight, seeing all the fleets of the galaxy united in this final fight, especially when it was just us in the Alliance fighting Sovereign at the Citadel just about 3 years ago. How much has changed since that day, for both of us. For all of us.

I can't tell you how happy and relieved I was to hear that you were alive and well. I know you worry about me all the time, but the feeling is mutual. It was hard for me to sleep during all of this, not knowing if you were okay. After losing Dad, I don't think I would've been able to fathom losing my other parent as well. Getting to talk to you from the Citadel not too long ago when I was on leave; it was the first time in probably years that I felt completely at ease, talking about those bedtime stories when I was little. I was glad to share that with you. With what we are dealing with right now, it's good for us to remember the little things: the bedtime stories, the little gifts you or Dad would give me when one of you came back from a long cruise, watching the ships fly in and out of Arcturis Station. I cherish those moments still today, and I know you do too. Those were my happiest times, spending them with you two.

I still wonder how you both managed to go through what you two did, raising me, an active, raucous, energetic little girl, with one of you always away on duty, constantly moving us from station to station; it makes me appreciate both of you for what you did for me, and I wouldn't change it one bit. I know I was a pain in the ass most of the time, but you stuck through it, both of you, and it affected me when I got older, seeing you two handle it all with pride and perseverance, even though it took a while. I wish I could've thanked you both in person while I still had the chance for the job you did with me. You both made me into the woman I am today.

I remember when I told both of you, on my 18th birthday, that I was enlisting with the Alliance, I know both of you were not surprised by it, and that both of you were worried as to how I would turn out. I was always arrogant in my younger days and I can tell you now that it didn't get much better during my service years. I know I gained a reputation for being ruthless, cold, and brutal, and both of you weren't too happy about it. I felt, during training and serving my way up the Alliance ladder, that I was always put on a pedestal by my senior officers and fellow soldiers; that they were waiting for me, as a woman serving on the toughest units, to break. Because of that, I felt I had to prove myself more, and I know now I did what I did for the right reason, but took the wrong directions to do it; through Alliance training I made myself into a monster, and you and Dad were concerned, though it didn't take for me at that time.

It all started to change for me at the ceremony awarding me for what I did on Torfan. You both could barely even look at me during that, and then I saw you promptly walk away as soon as the ceremony ended. I remembered trying to find you and then hearing you cry to Dad, "What happened to our daughter? Our little girl? Where is she now?" I couldn't face you then, and after crying and recollecting that night, I was ashamed and embarrassed. You both had done so much for me and to have done what I did, I felt horrible for it. I'll never forget visiting you both the next day, just hugging you so tightly, crying with you, saying "I'm sorry" to you over and over again, then feeling Dad's arms around both of us.

Nothing relieved me more than both of you forgiving me that day, and looking back now, I can honestly say I'm proud to be your daughter and I was blessed to have parents like you and Dad. I wanted to say that now, especially with this upcoming battle drawing near.

Mom, I'm being truly honest here. I don't know if I can really survive this final fight. I've always felt that I would survive somehow, someway, but something tells me that my luck will end soon. If that is the case, then I want to say that I truly love you. I know you will survive, because one of use has to. Like our family motto: _Per totus , nos persevero_- "Through all, we persevere". I think that counts for all of us in the galaxy right now. We will persevere, we will survive, that I do know. But, I just don't know if I can.

Don't be sad for me if I do die, Mom. I've done all I've wanted to do in my life, plus more. And, I will be with Dad again, and we will be happily waiting for you when your time comes, whenever it may be, although hopefully not too soon.

I know, you wanted me to also settle down and have a family; if I do somehow survive, I do plan on doing that, with Kaiden Alenko. I know you're familiar with the man, and I'm sure you two met at my "memorial" 2 years ago. I do love him, Mom, and I still hold to the hope that I may still somehow live and spend the rest of my life with him. If that happens, I will happily spend the rest of my life in peace and quiet, like you know I deserve. I've had enough of saving the galaxy; even once is too much.

I love you, Mom, so very much, and I wish you the best of luck in this final battle, and know I will be thinking of you as you will be of me.

Your loving daughter,

Cmdr. Jane Shepard, commanding officer, SSV _Normandy_, Council Spectre

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_Hope you all enjoyed this little letter-story I wrote. Decided to take a slight break while writing my next chapter of _For What We Hope_, which is still in the works and, luck permitting, could get done this upcoming week. _

_Just wanted to do something different, to keep me alert, and maybe get my typing juices flowing again._

_Enjoy this, my fans, look forward to my future work, and, as always,_

_Keep Readin' and Writin'!_


End file.
